In spite of the domestic violence we face from our abuser, we may still have some sort of feelings, good memories etc that we associate with our abuser. It is perfectly normal, although not healthy. It is normal for the simple fact that at one time you shared your life with, loved, and possibly had children with this person.
However after you flee your abuser, it is important that you get rid of all physical reminders of your abuser including but not limited to pictures, clothing, that first teddy bear, love letters etc. The one and only exception is your children. If possible do it all at one time, it will make it easier than spreading the process over time.
The more you have to see constant reminders of your abuser the more difficult and longer it will take to begin the healing process so that you can not only survive, but thrive in your life. Study your Bible and give your burdens to God.
Read Matthew 11:29-30
When you get rid of everything be sure to pray over it and to ask God for guidance and direction on having the life that HE wants you to have. Just remember you are to have joy in abundance.
Read Romans 15:32
You must clean house before you can truly live with joy and abundance.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
You Must Forgive Your Abuser
I know that the thought of forgiving your abuser is something that seems absolutely insane, but it is however essential. When you carry around hatred, disgust, and anger it is only going to prolong your transistion from victim to survivor. Continue to pray for their healing and forgive them for they not know what they do. Forgiveness is for your spiritual health and has absolutely nothing to do with your abuser. The longer you take to forgive them, the longer they are in control over your life.
The word of God teaches that we are to pray for those that despitfully use us.
Read Matthew 5:44 and Luke 23:34
Although it will be one of the most difficult steps in your recovery it is probably the most critical other than fleeing safetly. Until you begin to forgive and eventually do forgive, you will never be healed. I said it before, and I will say it again,"You must forgive your abuser for yourself." There is no getting around it. God made you wonderful and you deserve the best, but you can't have the best until you forgive.
Do not confuse forgiveness with trust or love.
The word of God teaches that we are to pray for those that despitfully use us.
Read Matthew 5:44 and Luke 23:34
Although it will be one of the most difficult steps in your recovery it is probably the most critical other than fleeing safetly. Until you begin to forgive and eventually do forgive, you will never be healed. I said it before, and I will say it again,"You must forgive your abuser for yourself." There is no getting around it. God made you wonderful and you deserve the best, but you can't have the best until you forgive.
Do not confuse forgiveness with trust or love.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Know Who You Can Trust
While it is critical to speak to someone about your domestic abuse, it is critical that you are picky about who you tell. Make sure whomever you tell has these following qualities.
1. They have your best interest at heart. Make sure they are going to be there to support and love you as you continue to get help out of your situation.
2. They will tell you the truth. They will not pity you, but uplift you.
3. They are not the latest gossip. Getting help does not include letting the entire world know of your abuse.
4. They have something to offer you, whether it is spiritual or they can provide information to resources or protection.
We know that as God's children we are to trust God with everything, so it is most important to tell God. He is our rock above all.
Read 2 Samuel 22:3
God has created specific gifts in others so that we can continue to use the resources of the world. God will tell you if they are someone that you can trust and He will tell you what to tell them.
1. They have your best interest at heart. Make sure they are going to be there to support and love you as you continue to get help out of your situation.
2. They will tell you the truth. They will not pity you, but uplift you.
3. They are not the latest gossip. Getting help does not include letting the entire world know of your abuse.
4. They have something to offer you, whether it is spiritual or they can provide information to resources or protection.
We know that as God's children we are to trust God with everything, so it is most important to tell God. He is our rock above all.
Read 2 Samuel 22:3
God has created specific gifts in others so that we can continue to use the resources of the world. God will tell you if they are someone that you can trust and He will tell you what to tell them.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Moving From Victim to Survivor
Moving from victim to survivor is a process that will take different amounts of time for each person that flees from domestic violence. I will say that the more you strengthen your relationship with God, the better it will get with time. This is the time when it is critical that you study the word of God.
Read Psalm 73:24
The more you continue to grow your relationship with God, the more you will continue to move to survivorship and then begin to thrive. It is so critical that you study the word of God, and allow God to speak to your spirit.
Read 2 Timothy 2:15
As time passes, you will begin to know who God created you to be. You were created in His image and likeness. Once you begin to know yourself as God created you, you will realize that your are to live the absolute best life. However, you will never get to that point until you study and strengthen your relationship with God.
Read Psalm 73:24
The more you continue to grow your relationship with God, the more you will continue to move to survivorship and then begin to thrive. It is so critical that you study the word of God, and allow God to speak to your spirit.
Read 2 Timothy 2:15
As time passes, you will begin to know who God created you to be. You were created in His image and likeness. Once you begin to know yourself as God created you, you will realize that your are to live the absolute best life. However, you will never get to that point until you study and strengthen your relationship with God.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Don't Be An Enabler
For many of us, myself included we become an enabler for our abuser. It is not something that we do on purpose, but that we do. I believe the number one way that we become a enabler is that we keep the secret.
The famous words of my abuser was, "You better not tell anyone." Then we tend to do just that, not tell anyone. We will lie for, cover, and attempt to hide the truth. When we create a state of secrecy, we create the perfect setting for our abuse to continue.
Domestic abuse is something that we are ashamed of and especially if we still have a victim mentality, think we deserve even if we would never say it out loud. I know, that for many years, I believed my abuser when he would tell me I wasn't worth anything and that he made me.
As sick as it was, for a long time I thought I could not survive without him. Therefore, I kept our secret and until I exposed the secret the abuse could not and would not stop. It took God working through me to get the secret out. God will always reveal what is hidden.
Read Job 20:26-28 (King James Version)
Once the secret was revealed, my escape began and so can your escape. Don't enable your abuser to have the privelege of secrecy about your abuse any longer.
The famous words of my abuser was, "You better not tell anyone." Then we tend to do just that, not tell anyone. We will lie for, cover, and attempt to hide the truth. When we create a state of secrecy, we create the perfect setting for our abuse to continue.
Domestic abuse is something that we are ashamed of and especially if we still have a victim mentality, think we deserve even if we would never say it out loud. I know, that for many years, I believed my abuser when he would tell me I wasn't worth anything and that he made me.
As sick as it was, for a long time I thought I could not survive without him. Therefore, I kept our secret and until I exposed the secret the abuse could not and would not stop. It took God working through me to get the secret out. God will always reveal what is hidden.
Read Job 20:26-28 (King James Version)
Once the secret was revealed, my escape began and so can your escape. Don't enable your abuser to have the privelege of secrecy about your abuse any longer.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
It Always Gets Worse
Often times, more times than not, when the first sign of abuse occurs we do not leave. We feel that we will be able to change the situation and the abuse will cease. If there is one thing that I want to make clear to you it is that, if there is a first time, there will be a second, third and twentieth.
Stop being naive and believing that the first time is the only time! If they did once, then it gets easier and more justifiable each time in the eyes of the abuser. It is not to say that a abuser can not stop abusing and turn their life around, but it will take intervention from Jesus.
If a abuser repents, trusts Jesus as their one and only Lord and Savior, they can stop. All things are possible with God.
Read Matthew 19:26
If you try to do it yourself, your abuser may may give the initial appearance that they are getting better when they are not. They may even resent you for trying to change them and take it out on you.
It always, always will get worse before it gets better. Time can only heal once you are out of the situation as a survivor. While you are in the situation, time just means that your abuser has more time to fester up rage and anger to abuse again.
Remember, God made you wonderful and you do not deserve abuse. Get out of the situation and know that as God's child you deserve the absolute best in life.
Stop being naive and believing that the first time is the only time! If they did once, then it gets easier and more justifiable each time in the eyes of the abuser. It is not to say that a abuser can not stop abusing and turn their life around, but it will take intervention from Jesus.
If a abuser repents, trusts Jesus as their one and only Lord and Savior, they can stop. All things are possible with God.
Read Matthew 19:26
If you try to do it yourself, your abuser may may give the initial appearance that they are getting better when they are not. They may even resent you for trying to change them and take it out on you.
It always, always will get worse before it gets better. Time can only heal once you are out of the situation as a survivor. While you are in the situation, time just means that your abuser has more time to fester up rage and anger to abuse again.
Remember, God made you wonderful and you do not deserve abuse. Get out of the situation and know that as God's child you deserve the absolute best in life.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
It's Not Just About You
While you are going through your domestic abuse, it is more than about you. It is about also about those that love you, your children, your family and friends. They are going through the abuse as well. If you think you are hiding your abuse from them, then you're being naive.
They see through your lies as you try to protect your abuser, they don't believe when you make excuses for the bruises, sadness, depression, and secretivity. They can see right through it all. They want the best for you, and they want you to flee your abuser.
When they witness you go through your abuse, they are hurt, and feel that they too are being abused. They feel the pain and want you out. When it comes to children, you are teaching them that abuse is a acceptable manner in which to have a relationship.
You teach them that abuse is something that is just part of life. Then when they grow up, they will be more prone to either be abused or abuse in their relationships when they become adults. Remember they learn by example, be careful of what you are teaching.
God is all knowing and there is absolutely nothing that you do that God does not see. Know that God is not the only one that sees what is going on in your life. What you do in your life has a direct impact on those around you.
They see through your lies as you try to protect your abuser, they don't believe when you make excuses for the bruises, sadness, depression, and secretivity. They can see right through it all. They want the best for you, and they want you to flee your abuser.
When they witness you go through your abuse, they are hurt, and feel that they too are being abused. They feel the pain and want you out. When it comes to children, you are teaching them that abuse is a acceptable manner in which to have a relationship.
You teach them that abuse is something that is just part of life. Then when they grow up, they will be more prone to either be abused or abuse in their relationships when they become adults. Remember they learn by example, be careful of what you are teaching.
God is all knowing and there is absolutely nothing that you do that God does not see. Know that God is not the only one that sees what is going on in your life. What you do in your life has a direct impact on those around you.
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