I had finally gotten to a point when I knew that I had to make a break. I knew that I wasn't in love anymore. I made the excuse that I was staying because of the kids. Kids that weren't even mine. I was staying out of fear of my life, which made absolute zero sense at all.
I knew that I had a higher calling and that I could not do it on my own and that I needed Jesus. Then one Saturday afternoon when I was getting my hair done, my hair dresser invited me to meet her at church. That next day was April 23, 2006.
I remember that day like it was yesterday. The Pastor gave a message on allowing God to do a new thing in your life. From the moment that I walked into the church, I had a instant family that loved me and wrapped their hearts around me like a daughter. When it came time for the alter call, with my knees shaking, I gave my salvation.
I remember telling the Pastor that I needed him to help me. He looked at me and said that he was only there to take me to Jesus. From that moment forward, he became my Pastor.
Although it was a very slow process and many times I gotton beaten for wanting to go to church. I kept going on a regular basis. I continued to seek Jesus. At times I would have to keep my notes at work so that they would not get destroyed. I started to learn who I was created to be, and who I always knew I was, but had forgotten.
I began to slowly separate myself from my abuser. I would make sure our belongings were not intertwined. I would make sure that I stopped telling him anything extra or even talking to him unless he spoke to me first. I even got to the point where I would encourage him to go out and start dating with his ex-wife.
Then on a Saturday night he beat me hard as usual until Sunday morning around 10:00am. He finally went and passed out on the couch. I waited until I knew he was in a deep sleep. I was watching television and as loud and clear as a scream I heard the Holy Spirit say, "it is your chance to leave now."
I had on a bloody sports bra and shorts. I went and packed my workout bag, got my purse, keys and the dog. I drove to the police station only to find that they had moved. I called my trusted friend and told her in so many words that I finally left him and had no where to go. She said to come over immediately.
She took pictures with my phone and consoled me until I was as alright as possible. She helped me to call the police. Since it was two different jurisdictions I had to file a report in my jurisdiction. She drove me to meet the police in front of a store by my house.
I gave the report to the police, who treated me as if I was lying about 12 years of hard, brutal, life threatening domestic abuse. My friend made statments in regards to the past history, my appearance, scared demeanor etc and they continued to give my abuser support. The next morning, she called into work to tell them that she would be late. She followed me to the Family Court so I could begin restraining order proceedings.
I ended up getting the restraining order and changed my number. I sent a text message from the computer stating that the police and my parents were on the way to the house and to get his stuff and get out. I then sent a text message to his ex-wife and told her to pack and get out of my apartment.
Somehow they got my new number and continued to call and hang up on me. I tried to report it to the police each time, but since he blocked his number I didn't have any proof. I stayed at my friends house for a week. Since I didn't have clothes for work, I went to a thrift store and got cheap clothes.
I then got a police escort and went to the house. They verified that there were no men's clothes present. I then went and told my neighbors that if they saw him, they were immediately to call 911. I had a alarm system installed that same day.
From that day I made a decision that I was going to develop my relationship with Jesus by studying HIS word. I had a lot of repair to do on my self worth. I was going to be married to Jesus.
I started to heal, with the help of a new friend who ended up being my husband. Somehow I knew in my heart that he was sincere in his wanting to help me to heal. He was about strengthening my relationship with Jesus not with him. He always took me to the word of God as I began to talk about it. The more we studied the word together and talked about it, the less and less power the abuse had over me.
Let me tell you now, the more you talk about it, the more you will heal and faster you will heal. I now have to be careful, because sometimes it will just come out in everyday conversation. It is not to say that I am completely healed, but I am well on my way.
I went through 12 years of hard and brutal physical abuse, the ramifications of it don't just go away overnight. However, I can say that I don't have to dwell on it anymore and rule over my life. I now have a God fearing husband that loves me as Christ loves the church. I can live as a child of God openly and freely. I know that God made me wonderful.
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