It's Time To Clean House

In spite of the domestic violence we face from our abuser, we may still have some sort of feelings, good memories etc that we associate with our abuser. It is perfectly normal, although not healthy. It is normal for the simple fact that at one time you shared your life with, loved, and possibly had children with this person.

However after you flee your abuser, it is important that you get rid of all physical reminders of your abuser including but not limited to pictures, clothing, that first teddy bear, love letters etc. The one and only exception is your children. If possible do it all at one time, it will make it easier than spreading the process over time.

The more you have to see constant reminders of your abuser the more difficult and longer it will take to begin the healing process so that you can not only survive, but thrive in your life. Study your Bible and give your burdens to God.

Read Matthew 11:29-30

When you get rid of everything be sure to pray over it and to ask God for guidance and direction on having the life that HE wants you to have. Just remember you are to have joy in abundance.

Read Romans 15:32

You must clean house before you can truly live with joy and abundance.

You Must Forgive Your Abuser

I know that the thought of forgiving your abuser is something that seems absolutely insane, but it is however essential. When you carry around hatred, disgust, and anger it is only going to prolong your transistion from victim to survivor. Continue to pray for their healing and forgive them for they not know what they do. Forgiveness is for your spiritual health and has absolutely nothing to do with your abuser. The longer you take to forgive them, the longer they are in control over your life.

The word of God teaches that we are to pray for those that despitfully use us.

Read Matthew 5:44 and Luke 23:34

Although it will be one of the most difficult steps in your recovery it is probably the most critical other than fleeing safetly. Until you begin to forgive and eventually do forgive, you will never be healed. I said it before, and I will say it again,"You must forgive your abuser for yourself." There is no getting around it. God made you wonderful and you deserve the best, but you can't have the best until you forgive.

Do not confuse forgiveness with trust or love.

Know Who You Can Trust

While it is critical to speak to someone about your domestic abuse, it is critical that you are picky about who you tell. Make sure whomever you tell has these following qualities.

1. They have your best interest at heart. Make sure they are going to be there to support and love you as you continue to get help out of your situation.

2. They will tell you the truth. They will not pity you, but uplift you.

3. They are not the latest gossip. Getting help does not include letting the entire world know of your abuse.

4. They have something to offer you, whether it is spiritual or they can provide information to resources or protection.

We know that as God's children we are to trust God with everything, so it is most important to tell God. He is our rock above all.

Read 2 Samuel 22:3

God has created specific gifts in others so that we can continue to use the resources of the world. God will tell you if they are someone that you can trust and He will tell you what to tell them.

Moving From Victim to Survivor

Moving from victim to survivor is a process that will take different amounts of time for each person that flees from domestic violence. I will say that the more you strengthen your relationship with God, the better it will get with time. This is the time when it is critical that you study the word of God.

Read Psalm 73:24
The more you continue to grow your relationship with God, the more you will continue to move to survivorship and then begin to thrive. It is so critical that you study the word of God, and allow God to speak to your spirit.

Read 2 Timothy 2:15

As time passes, you will begin to know who God created you to be. You were created in His image and likeness. Once you begin to know yourself as God created you, you will realize that your are to live the absolute best life. However, you will never get to that point until you study and strengthen your relationship with God.