WARNING-WARNING-WARNING

PLEASE BE CAREFUL OF USING A COMPUTER IN WHICH YOUR ABUSER HAS ACCESS. YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE SEEKING HELP FROM OTHERS!!!!!

Think Ahead

I have called several domestic hotlines over the years and here are some of the basic ideas that you should think about.

1. You need to be able to communicate. For example, get a cheap pay as you go cell phone that doesn't have a bill coming to your residence. Hide it somewhere that is easy to access, but your abuser wouldn't find. Fill it with important numbers, but fake contact names that he wouldn't care about.

2. If possible make sure you have a extra key for the car that they do not know about. If they take the main set of keys you can still leave. Otherwise tell a neighbor your situation and that you may have to come over for safety reasons. Many cities have 'Safe Places' at gas stations, convenience stores etc. Know where they are located.

3. Tell a trusted friend or two that you can go with you to the police station, take pictures, make statements to your character and demeanor. Know where you will go, if you don't have a trusted friend, know a safe place that you can go 24 hours a day in case you leave in the middle of the night.

4. Go straight to the police station and file a report, don't worry about the exact details. Provide evidence such as pictures, blood, DNA etc. If you can't get to the police station make sure you call the non-emergency number for the police and ask what procedures you should follow. Some states may allow you to make a verbal report via phone.

5. Pack a backpack that you can keep close for easy access for you and children if necessary. Avoid trying to pack at the last minute. Make sure small children have a small comfort toy to take with them.

6. Understand that children know what is going on. If you think they don't then you are sadly mistaken. Instruct them what actions to take and if possible to leave the house and notify a neighbor. Converse with the neighbor before hand when things are calm. Yes it can be difficult and embarassing, but I rather have difficulty and embarassment rather than death.

7. Keep a $5 gas card, nothing worse than getting away and not having any gas. If the abuser goes through your wallet, make sure you hide the card somewhere in the car such as under the seat, under the floor mat, etc.

8. The moment you have fled, change your home and cell phone numbers. Make sure they are unlisted in the phone book and 411. Many times, if you tell the companies it is due to domestic abuse they will waive the fee(s). Don't forget about email addresses.

9. If necessary, find professional help so that you can get your life back. If you have children they can not begin to heal until they see you beginning to heal. They follow your example.

10. IMMEDIATELY FILE A RESTRAING ORDER or any other type of order for yourself and children if necessary. Report every violation even if you are not sure it a violation or not, REPORT it. Keep a journal to be used as evidence, if necessary. DO NOT LOOK BACK, all future contact should be police escorted or through the courts, no exceptions!!! File custody papers if needed.

PLEASE BE CAREFUL ABOUT USING A COMPUTER THAT YOUR ABUSER CAN HAVE ACCESS. YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE SEEKING HELP FROM OTHERS!!!!!!!!!!!

Here are some more resources on how to Get Help Now.