The very first step that you have to do is to stop claiming yourself as a victim and speak being a survivor into life. Although you may be experiencing domestic violence in your life, it does not have to define you. During the time that I was being abused physically and verbally, I kept telling myself that I was going to survive.
Do not under estimate the power of words, especially the words that you tell yourself. Even when your abuser is telling you that you are worth absolutely nothing, you must continue to tell yourself that they are lying. Focus on who God created you to be. God created you to be fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14 (King James Version)
14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
When you speak as if you are a victim, then you will always be a victim. That is exactly what your abuser wants you to believe. When you act as a victim you are continuing to give your abuser power and control over you. The moment you speak of being a survivor you will begin to act as a survivor and as a result you will take the power away from your abuser and your healing can begin.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
You Shouldn't Bad Mouth Your Abuser
As tempting as it seems, do not bad mouth your abuser to others. State the truth as things happened when necessary, but bad mouthing just for the sake of it is not going to help you.
Read Job 27:4 and Psalm 71:24
We should constantly be thinking on Godly things and matters. When you speak about negativity and strife, then you invite it into your life. However the same is true when you speak of Godly things and matters.
Read Philippians 4:7-9
When you think on these things then you will begin to accept them into your heart and be able to begin to thrive in your life. When you bad mouth your abuser it is just another way that you will continue to give them power and control over your life.
So meditate on the things of God and you can have the peace that passes all understanding.
Read Job 27:4 and Psalm 71:24
We should constantly be thinking on Godly things and matters. When you speak about negativity and strife, then you invite it into your life. However the same is true when you speak of Godly things and matters.
Read Philippians 4:7-9
When you think on these things then you will begin to accept them into your heart and be able to begin to thrive in your life. When you bad mouth your abuser it is just another way that you will continue to give them power and control over your life.
So meditate on the things of God and you can have the peace that passes all understanding.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
It's Time To Clean House
In spite of the domestic violence we face from our abuser, we may still have some sort of feelings, good memories etc that we associate with our abuser. It is perfectly normal, although not healthy. It is normal for the simple fact that at one time you shared your life with, loved, and possibly had children with this person.
However after you flee your abuser, it is important that you get rid of all physical reminders of your abuser including but not limited to pictures, clothing, that first teddy bear, love letters etc. The one and only exception is your children. If possible do it all at one time, it will make it easier than spreading the process over time.
The more you have to see constant reminders of your abuser the more difficult and longer it will take to begin the healing process so that you can not only survive, but thrive in your life. Study your Bible and give your burdens to God.
Read Matthew 11:29-30
When you get rid of everything be sure to pray over it and to ask God for guidance and direction on having the life that HE wants you to have. Just remember you are to have joy in abundance.
Read Romans 15:32
You must clean house before you can truly live with joy and abundance.
However after you flee your abuser, it is important that you get rid of all physical reminders of your abuser including but not limited to pictures, clothing, that first teddy bear, love letters etc. The one and only exception is your children. If possible do it all at one time, it will make it easier than spreading the process over time.
The more you have to see constant reminders of your abuser the more difficult and longer it will take to begin the healing process so that you can not only survive, but thrive in your life. Study your Bible and give your burdens to God.
Read Matthew 11:29-30
When you get rid of everything be sure to pray over it and to ask God for guidance and direction on having the life that HE wants you to have. Just remember you are to have joy in abundance.
Read Romans 15:32
You must clean house before you can truly live with joy and abundance.
Monday, April 5, 2010
You Must Forgive Your Abuser
I know that the thought of forgiving your abuser is something that seems absolutely insane, but it is however essential. When you carry around hatred, disgust, and anger it is only going to prolong your transistion from victim to survivor. Continue to pray for their healing and forgive them for they not know what they do. Forgiveness is for your spiritual health and has absolutely nothing to do with your abuser. The longer you take to forgive them, the longer they are in control over your life.
The word of God teaches that we are to pray for those that despitfully use us.
Read Matthew 5:44 and Luke 23:34
Although it will be one of the most difficult steps in your recovery it is probably the most critical other than fleeing safetly. Until you begin to forgive and eventually do forgive, you will never be healed. I said it before, and I will say it again,"You must forgive your abuser for yourself." There is no getting around it. God made you wonderful and you deserve the best, but you can't have the best until you forgive.
Do not confuse forgiveness with trust or love.
The word of God teaches that we are to pray for those that despitfully use us.
Read Matthew 5:44 and Luke 23:34
Although it will be one of the most difficult steps in your recovery it is probably the most critical other than fleeing safetly. Until you begin to forgive and eventually do forgive, you will never be healed. I said it before, and I will say it again,"You must forgive your abuser for yourself." There is no getting around it. God made you wonderful and you deserve the best, but you can't have the best until you forgive.
Do not confuse forgiveness with trust or love.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Know Who You Can Trust
While it is critical to speak to someone about your domestic abuse, it is critical that you are picky about who you tell. Make sure whomever you tell has these following qualities.
1. They have your best interest at heart. Make sure they are going to be there to support and love you as you continue to get help out of your situation.
2. They will tell you the truth. They will not pity you, but uplift you.
3. They are not the latest gossip. Getting help does not include letting the entire world know of your abuse.
4. They have something to offer you, whether it is spiritual or they can provide information to resources or protection.
We know that as God's children we are to trust God with everything, so it is most important to tell God. He is our rock above all.
Read 2 Samuel 22:3
God has created specific gifts in others so that we can continue to use the resources of the world. God will tell you if they are someone that you can trust and He will tell you what to tell them.
1. They have your best interest at heart. Make sure they are going to be there to support and love you as you continue to get help out of your situation.
2. They will tell you the truth. They will not pity you, but uplift you.
3. They are not the latest gossip. Getting help does not include letting the entire world know of your abuse.
4. They have something to offer you, whether it is spiritual or they can provide information to resources or protection.
We know that as God's children we are to trust God with everything, so it is most important to tell God. He is our rock above all.
Read 2 Samuel 22:3
God has created specific gifts in others so that we can continue to use the resources of the world. God will tell you if they are someone that you can trust and He will tell you what to tell them.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Moving From Victim to Survivor
Moving from victim to survivor is a process that will take different amounts of time for each person that flees from domestic violence. I will say that the more you strengthen your relationship with God, the better it will get with time. This is the time when it is critical that you study the word of God.
Read Psalm 73:24
The more you continue to grow your relationship with God, the more you will continue to move to survivorship and then begin to thrive. It is so critical that you study the word of God, and allow God to speak to your spirit.
Read 2 Timothy 2:15
As time passes, you will begin to know who God created you to be. You were created in His image and likeness. Once you begin to know yourself as God created you, you will realize that your are to live the absolute best life. However, you will never get to that point until you study and strengthen your relationship with God.
Read Psalm 73:24
The more you continue to grow your relationship with God, the more you will continue to move to survivorship and then begin to thrive. It is so critical that you study the word of God, and allow God to speak to your spirit.
Read 2 Timothy 2:15
As time passes, you will begin to know who God created you to be. You were created in His image and likeness. Once you begin to know yourself as God created you, you will realize that your are to live the absolute best life. However, you will never get to that point until you study and strengthen your relationship with God.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Don't Be An Enabler
For many of us, myself included we become an enabler for our abuser. It is not something that we do on purpose, but that we do. I believe the number one way that we become a enabler is that we keep the secret.
The famous words of my abuser was, "You better not tell anyone." Then we tend to do just that, not tell anyone. We will lie for, cover, and attempt to hide the truth. When we create a state of secrecy, we create the perfect setting for our abuse to continue.
Domestic abuse is something that we are ashamed of and especially if we still have a victim mentality, think we deserve even if we would never say it out loud. I know, that for many years, I believed my abuser when he would tell me I wasn't worth anything and that he made me.
As sick as it was, for a long time I thought I could not survive without him. Therefore, I kept our secret and until I exposed the secret the abuse could not and would not stop. It took God working through me to get the secret out. God will always reveal what is hidden.
Read Job 20:26-28 (King James Version)
Once the secret was revealed, my escape began and so can your escape. Don't enable your abuser to have the privelege of secrecy about your abuse any longer.
The famous words of my abuser was, "You better not tell anyone." Then we tend to do just that, not tell anyone. We will lie for, cover, and attempt to hide the truth. When we create a state of secrecy, we create the perfect setting for our abuse to continue.
Domestic abuse is something that we are ashamed of and especially if we still have a victim mentality, think we deserve even if we would never say it out loud. I know, that for many years, I believed my abuser when he would tell me I wasn't worth anything and that he made me.
As sick as it was, for a long time I thought I could not survive without him. Therefore, I kept our secret and until I exposed the secret the abuse could not and would not stop. It took God working through me to get the secret out. God will always reveal what is hidden.
Read Job 20:26-28 (King James Version)
Once the secret was revealed, my escape began and so can your escape. Don't enable your abuser to have the privelege of secrecy about your abuse any longer.
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