For many of us, myself included we become an enabler for our abuser. It is not something that we do on purpose, but that we do. I believe the number one way that we become a enabler is that we keep the secret.
The famous words of my abuser was, "You better not tell anyone." Then we tend to do just that, not tell anyone. We will lie for, cover, and attempt to hide the truth. When we create a state of secrecy, we create the perfect setting for our abuse to continue.
Domestic abuse is something that we are ashamed of and especially if we still have a victim mentality, think we deserve even if we would never say it out loud. I know, that for many years, I believed my abuser when he would tell me I wasn't worth anything and that he made me.
As sick as it was, for a long time I thought I could not survive without him. Therefore, I kept our secret and until I exposed the secret the abuse could not and would not stop. It took God working through me to get the secret out. God will always reveal what is hidden.
Read Job 20:26-28 (King James Version)
Once the secret was revealed, my escape began and so can your escape. Don't enable your abuser to have the privelege of secrecy about your abuse any longer.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
It Always Gets Worse
Often times, more times than not, when the first sign of abuse occurs we do not leave. We feel that we will be able to change the situation and the abuse will cease. If there is one thing that I want to make clear to you it is that, if there is a first time, there will be a second, third and twentieth.
Stop being naive and believing that the first time is the only time! If they did once, then it gets easier and more justifiable each time in the eyes of the abuser. It is not to say that a abuser can not stop abusing and turn their life around, but it will take intervention from Jesus.
If a abuser repents, trusts Jesus as their one and only Lord and Savior, they can stop. All things are possible with God.
Read Matthew 19:26
If you try to do it yourself, your abuser may may give the initial appearance that they are getting better when they are not. They may even resent you for trying to change them and take it out on you.
It always, always will get worse before it gets better. Time can only heal once you are out of the situation as a survivor. While you are in the situation, time just means that your abuser has more time to fester up rage and anger to abuse again.
Remember, God made you wonderful and you do not deserve abuse. Get out of the situation and know that as God's child you deserve the absolute best in life.
Stop being naive and believing that the first time is the only time! If they did once, then it gets easier and more justifiable each time in the eyes of the abuser. It is not to say that a abuser can not stop abusing and turn their life around, but it will take intervention from Jesus.
If a abuser repents, trusts Jesus as their one and only Lord and Savior, they can stop. All things are possible with God.
Read Matthew 19:26
If you try to do it yourself, your abuser may may give the initial appearance that they are getting better when they are not. They may even resent you for trying to change them and take it out on you.
It always, always will get worse before it gets better. Time can only heal once you are out of the situation as a survivor. While you are in the situation, time just means that your abuser has more time to fester up rage and anger to abuse again.
Remember, God made you wonderful and you do not deserve abuse. Get out of the situation and know that as God's child you deserve the absolute best in life.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
It's Not Just About You
While you are going through your domestic abuse, it is more than about you. It is about also about those that love you, your children, your family and friends. They are going through the abuse as well. If you think you are hiding your abuse from them, then you're being naive.
They see through your lies as you try to protect your abuser, they don't believe when you make excuses for the bruises, sadness, depression, and secretivity. They can see right through it all. They want the best for you, and they want you to flee your abuser.
When they witness you go through your abuse, they are hurt, and feel that they too are being abused. They feel the pain and want you out. When it comes to children, you are teaching them that abuse is a acceptable manner in which to have a relationship.
You teach them that abuse is something that is just part of life. Then when they grow up, they will be more prone to either be abused or abuse in their relationships when they become adults. Remember they learn by example, be careful of what you are teaching.
God is all knowing and there is absolutely nothing that you do that God does not see. Know that God is not the only one that sees what is going on in your life. What you do in your life has a direct impact on those around you.
They see through your lies as you try to protect your abuser, they don't believe when you make excuses for the bruises, sadness, depression, and secretivity. They can see right through it all. They want the best for you, and they want you to flee your abuser.
When they witness you go through your abuse, they are hurt, and feel that they too are being abused. They feel the pain and want you out. When it comes to children, you are teaching them that abuse is a acceptable manner in which to have a relationship.
You teach them that abuse is something that is just part of life. Then when they grow up, they will be more prone to either be abused or abuse in their relationships when they become adults. Remember they learn by example, be careful of what you are teaching.
God is all knowing and there is absolutely nothing that you do that God does not see. Know that God is not the only one that sees what is going on in your life. What you do in your life has a direct impact on those around you.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
You Can Not Change Them
So many times we remain in our abusive relationships because we somehow feel that we can change them. I have to say that for many years, I was the same way in thinking that only if I could get him into couseling. I would go with him, offer support and then all of a sudden we would have this wonderful loving relationship.
Only God can change a person from the inside. It is the spirit of God that speaks to us.
Read Matthew 10:20 (King James Version)
We all have a spirit within us, it is just that some listen to our spirit according to God or to our flesh(the world). Even if someone chooses not to listen to the word of God then they are going to believe what they want to believe and there is absolutely nothing that you can do to change another person regardless of your best intentions.
Therefore, no person can change another person. Yes it is true that a person may be able to point out specific views, present new ways of thinking or handling something a different way it is important to know that only God can change their heart.
Understand that they need help, you may be able to point them in the right direction but just as you need help they need help. Stop trying to change an abuser, you can not do it on your own. Turn it over to God and let God make the change.
Only God can change a person from the inside. It is the spirit of God that speaks to us.
Read Matthew 10:20 (King James Version)
We all have a spirit within us, it is just that some listen to our spirit according to God or to our flesh(the world). Even if someone chooses not to listen to the word of God then they are going to believe what they want to believe and there is absolutely nothing that you can do to change another person regardless of your best intentions.
Therefore, no person can change another person. Yes it is true that a person may be able to point out specific views, present new ways of thinking or handling something a different way it is important to know that only God can change their heart.
Understand that they need help, you may be able to point them in the right direction but just as you need help they need help. Stop trying to change an abuser, you can not do it on your own. Turn it over to God and let God make the change.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Stop Being a Victim and Be A Survivor
I can't begin to tell you important that it is that you stop calling yourself a victim. It is not to say that you are not experiencing domestic violence. However, it is critical that you constantly speak of being a survivor.
There is so much power in words, don't underestimate the power of the words that you tell yourself. Even when your abuser is abusing you physically and verbally it is critical that you continue to tell yourself who you are according to God. God created you to be fearfully and wonderfully made. Read Power of Words
Read Psalm 139:14 (King James Version)
Read Abuse and The Miracle of Recovery by Joyce Meyer
The more that you continue to think and treat yourself as a victim, you will give more power and control to your abuser. The very moment that you begin to speak as a survivor, you will begin to act as a survivor and take the power and control back from your abuser.
The healing process can only begin when you take on a I will survive attitude. Focus on what a survivor would say and do. It is impossible to do things as a survivor without first taking the attitude of a survivor.
There is so much power in words, don't underestimate the power of the words that you tell yourself. Even when your abuser is abusing you physically and verbally it is critical that you continue to tell yourself who you are according to God. God created you to be fearfully and wonderfully made. Read Power of Words
Read Psalm 139:14 (King James Version)
Read Abuse and The Miracle of Recovery by Joyce Meyer
The more that you continue to think and treat yourself as a victim, you will give more power and control to your abuser. The very moment that you begin to speak as a survivor, you will begin to act as a survivor and take the power and control back from your abuser.
The healing process can only begin when you take on a I will survive attitude. Focus on what a survivor would say and do. It is impossible to do things as a survivor without first taking the attitude of a survivor.
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