So many times we remain in our abusive relationships because we somehow feel that we can change them. I have to say that for many years, I was the same way in thinking that only if I could get him into couseling. I would go with him, offer support and then all of a sudden we would have this wonderful loving relationship.
Only God can change a person from the inside. It is the spirit of God that speaks to us.
Read Matthew 10:20 (King James Version)
We all have a spirit within us, it is just that some listen to our spirit according to God or to our flesh(the world). Even if someone chooses not to listen to the word of God then they are going to believe what they want to believe and there is absolutely nothing that you can do to change another person regardless of your best intentions.
Therefore, no person can change another person. Yes it is true that a person may be able to point out specific views, present new ways of thinking or handling something a different way it is important to know that only God can change their heart.
Understand that they need help, you may be able to point them in the right direction but just as you need help they need help. Stop trying to change an abuser, you can not do it on your own. Turn it over to God and let God make the change.